Tuesday, 11 December 2012
Wednesday, 21 November 2012
Saturday, 8 September 2012
Sunday, 12 August 2012
Olympic poem
There are empty seats around us,
large blocks of space to see
the discarded rows of corporate Britain
it seems a lot to me.
They say it cost an arm and a leg
but it was only twelve billion pounds
you try telling that
to the men down the hare and hounds.
Still empty seats around us, missiles at the ready
welcome to the ghost town
please come and buy a teddy.
Where have all the people gone our living disappeared?
no help from all the men in suits
shopkeepers think it weird.
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Sunday, 15 July 2012
Tuesday, 10 July 2012
Monday, 2 July 2012
Sunday, 24 June 2012
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
Mothers Advice
We all remember things our mothers used to say. These sayings have been around since the beginning of time, and I can still hear her today, as I hear myself repeating some of them. Do you remember these? I do!
Mothers advice
Mothers advice
- Don't pick at it! it will get infected.
- Don't crack your knuckles like that, you'll get arthritis when you grow up.
- Stand up straight and take your hands out of your pockets.
- Stop picking your nose.
- Use a hanky not the back of your hand.
- Don't come crying to me if you kill yourself doing that.
- [When looking at the page 3 girl in the Sun] don’t look at that for too long or you'll go blind.
- Have you been for a number 2.
- When was the last time you went for a number 2?
- This might sting a little bit but it’s for your own good
- Don’t stick that in your mouth you don’t know where it’s been
- Don't sit too close to the TV, you'll ruin your eyes.
- Don’t forget to wash behind your foreskin.
- Don’t forget to cover the toilet seat, you don’t know what you might catch.
- When was the last time you washed behind your ears?
- Have you washed your belly button out?
- If you don’t wash between your toes you’ll get cheese growing in there
- If you don’t hurry up we will leave without you.
- What have you been doing in these shoes?
- When was the last time you changed your pants
- You’ll never get a girlfriend looking like that
- When was the last time you had a bath?
- What’s that mark on your neck?
- In my day we only spoke when we were spoken to.
- Don’t back chat me or I’ll tell your father
- I told you not to go near him, he’s an idiot
- Don’t worry it will all come out in the wash
- I don't care if you're not sorry, say it anyway.
- Don’t you dare clean those muddy boots in my sink.
- If you're going to do that, do it outside.
- If you think you're going to get away with that you have another thing coming.
- Don't even think of it.
- You look as though you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.
- Finish your plate, there are starving people in Africa.
- If you don't have room for peas, you don't have room for dessert.
- Eat it, it's good for you.
- Some day you'll learn to like it.
- Just take two more bites.
- If you don't eat your vegetables you'll get scurvy
- Eat your carrots, you’ll be able to see in the dark.
- What do you mean you don't like spinach? Popeye eats it every day.
- If they told you to jump off a cliff would you do it?
- I don't care if everyone else is doing it.
- I don't care if Pete’s mom lets him. I'm not Pete’s mum.
- Why don't you be more like so and so? He seems like a nice boy.
- Just tell them sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. Then they'll leave you alone.
- Don't let them talk you into anything.
- You have a mind of your own, why did you listen to them?
- You can't tell a book by it's cover.
- They're just saying that because they're jealous.
- You just hold your head up high and never mind what everyone's saying.
- This room looks like a pig sty.
- You call this clean?
- Put it back where you got it or where it belongs.
- How can you find anything in this mess?
- This doesn't belong on the floor. Hang it up.
- You're just like your father.
- You don't see your father and I doing that do you?
- I don't care if it’s yours, just give it to him.
- Ask your father.
- Tell your father I'm not speaking to him.
- Don't do as I do, do as I say.
- As long as you live under my roof...
- Life is never fair.
- Mind your P's and Q's.
- If you don't like it, go live somewhere else.
- It's for your own good.
- This hurts me more than it hurts you.
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
Mindfulness
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a way of concentrating on the here and now, thereby becoming more aware of how the here and now is affecting you. It doesn't aim directly at the dispersal of stresses and strains. In fact, it is very hard to develop the concentration necessary to follow your breath, even for a few seconds. What you see is your mind racing from this memory to that moment. But that's the trick: to observe, and to learn to change the way you relate to the inner maelstrom.
Mindfulness eases the habit of clinging to things, even big things like life itself. When the clinging ceases, the suffering ceases too. Research into the benefits of mindfulness seems to support its claims.
1. Why do we hold on to a previously bad experience as we know its existence is stopping us from moving forwards?
2. Why are we unkind to ourselves?
3. Why do we listen to that annoying little ego that sits in your mind and demands your attention?
4. Why are we always looking to blame someone or something for our problems, so we can deflect the responsibility of the outcomes?
5. Why do we cling to obstacles of the past to prevent the speed of change?
6. Why are we so reluctant to share the gifts we have with others?
7. Why do have the growing fear of being humiliated?
We all need friends that see life in a different way, call them a mother a father a sister or even a mentor. We all need that someone.
Monday, 11 June 2012
Sunday, 10 June 2012
Saturday, 9 June 2012
Friday, 8 June 2012
Thursday, 31 May 2012
Monday, 21 May 2012
The Legend of the true cockney
The legend that states true cockneys are born only within the sound of Bow Bells; the ones that peal every 15 minutes from Sir Christopher Wren's 1680 church, St Mary-le-Bow, on Cheapside. In fact, Bow Bells cockneys are not that exclusive a bunch. Research has shown that, without the background noise of modern London, the bells could once be heard as far as Canning Town (six miles east), Haringey (five miles north), Lambeth (three miles south) and Westbourne Green (four miles west).
Song
Section from a 19th century engraving by Nathaniel Whittock from a drawing by Antony van den Wyngaerde (ca 1543-50), which shows the towers and spires of many of the churches mentioned in the rhyme
Here is a longer version:
Song
Oranges and lemons,
Say the bells of St. Clement's.
You owe me five farthings,
Say the bells of St. Martin's.
When will you pay me?
Say the bells of Old Bailey.
When I grow rich,
Say the bells of Shoreditch.
When will that be?
Say the bells of Stepney.
I do not know,
Says the great bell of Bow.
Here comes a candle to light you to bed,
And here comes a chopper to chop off your head![1]
Gay go up and gay go down,
To ring the bells of London town.
Oranges and lemons,
Say the bells of St. Clements.
Bull's eyes and targets,
Say the bells of St. Margret's.
Brickbats and tiles,
Say the bells of St. Giles'.
Halfpence and farthings,
Say the bells of St. Martin's.
Pancakes and fritters,
Say the bells of St. Peter's.
Two sticks and an apple,
Say the bells of Whitechapel.
Pokers and tongs,
Say the bells of St. John's.
Kettles and pans,
Say the bells of St. Ann's.
Old Father Baldpate,
Say the slow bells of Aldgate.
You owe me ten shillings,
Say the bells of St. Helen's.
When will you pay me?
Say the bells of Old Bailey.
When I grow rich,
Say the bells of Shoreditch.
Pray when will that be?
Say the bells of Stepney.
I do not know,
Says the great bell of Bow.
Here comes a candle to light you to bed,
Here comes a chopper to chop off your head.
Chop chop chop chop
The last man's dead![2][3]
Monday, 30 April 2012
Cutty Sark
The Queen joined by the Duke of Edinburgh came to Greenwich to celebrate the completed restoration of the Cutty Sark. During their tour of Greenwich - which has been made a royal borough to mark the Queen's Jubilee - the Queen and Philip will visit the nearby National Maritime Museum.
Figurehead Nannie dressed in her petticoat called the Cutty Sark
The fire in 2007
The ship before the restoration
The ship during the restoration
Tuesday, 24 April 2012
Friday, 13 April 2012
Pejazzling
A landscape gardener was telling me about this new obsession for men to have a Hollywood wax - EVERY bit of hair removed! Apparently modern girls will not stand for the old brillo pad look on their man. Swim shorts that look like a bunch of seaweed has got trapped in your trunks is sooo wrong! Men everywhere are being pressured to go smooth like their girlfriends. He told me that in the past his girlfriend, a” landscape gardener”, has used her creative talents to produce many different forms of topiary to enhance his willy. Today’s modern girl is fed up having to take part in a bushtucker trial every time she has an intimate moment with her fella. The growing popularity for the back, sack and crack wax has surpassed the short back and sides that was the bread and butter of a traditional barber’s, forcing these chapels of masculinity into male grooming salons. Personally I needed some convincing to say the least, but as he so eloquently put it to me, “The Ultimate Hollywood wax is the dogs boll**cks”.
The Ultimate He-Wax treatments can now offer ‘pejazzling’, which is exactly what it sounds like. Similar to women's vajazzling, patterns such as stars and dolphins, are created on the skin using crystals. Men can have their favourite football team logo or decorative ivy curling around their willy.
Wednesday, 11 April 2012
Sunday, 1 April 2012
Man With Oversized Wooden Leg Cuts Off Good Leg By Mistake.
The man used a mechanical saw to slice two inches off his foot.
A high-wire walker has cut off his left foot, to avoid paying for his wooden right leg to be shortened by two inches.
Police said the "Lucky" 52-year-old man accidently sliced two inches off his good leg with a mechanical saw. He was trying to save money by trimming his own wooden leg.
The man, from Turnham Green, then hobbled into his garage and called an ambulance.
He was taken to a local equine veterinary practice where he spent 7 hours in the operating theatre. He was said to be in a stable condition.
He now finds himself having to make the decision of cutting four inches off the wooden leg or have a shoe made with a four inch sole for the good foot.
Stories
Tuesday, 28 February 2012
Friday, 24 February 2012
Friday, 10 February 2012
Monday, 6 February 2012
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